J has gone out tonight, to investigate rumours of an SF group meeting in North Oxford. This suits me just fine, as I felt rotten at work all day - absolutely exhausted and slightly sick - and really didn't feel like cooking. If J's not in, I can just have cheese on toast or something, and not feel guilty about being a Bad Housewife.
I don't know whether the SF group will amount to anything; I don't really read SF much any more. J does, so she may find some like-minded people there. But we're so isolated here, I'm ready to clutch at almost any straw. We very rarely see anyone at all, with the honourable exception of P, which is why I've ended up so badly dependent on the internet. And the internet, as we know, is a fickle friend indeed, the person you were laughing and squeeing with and IMing back and forth yesterday will have abandoned you for shinier (and, let's face it, more interesting and less depressed) pastures tomorrow. J left a note to say she'd be back soon if her nerve failed, but she's been gone a while, so presumably it didn't. She is very brave no matter what, I would pretty much rather never see anyone ever again, ever, than walk into a pub full of strangers.
Terribly bored at work at the moment (I always say that: 'at the moment' - "I'm a bit down at the moment," "I'm a bit overweight at the moment," and so on, as if I thought it were ever likely to change). Sometimes I wish I could take some courses and learn something new, something that would let me do something different, better, more interesting. And then I think: but what? And then I remember that I'm pretty much crap at everything I try to turn my hand to. And then I get depressed. Unsurprisingly, I suppose.
Speaking of which, I made a major effort today and looked up some local counselling services on the internet. But at £50+ a session ... it's just not do-able.
And so we remain as we are. Which is a grim and dispiriting thought indeed.
There's a revival of Rent opening in the West End. Maybe I'll see if I can get a ticket for that. What I need is a theatre buddy, but I suppose a theatre group is out of the question.
